The Past & The Future

by AlGene C (posted by Mrs. Whelan)

When I was younger I lived in Cleveland, Ohio, on a busy street called Detroit Road.I didn’t have many friends and then had no one to talk to. My parents were always too busy and my sisters hated spending time with me. So like most small, 4 to 7-year-old children, I made my own friends. But I failed, for my imagination was set on creating worlds with characters of my own design. Most of the time I was flying. Even though I wasn’t there I could feel the wind blowing through my hair; the clouds as I glided through them, the small drops of water tapping my face. Yes my images were small, but to me they were my only true place to be and not be alone at the same time. Then I moved for the first time.

New house. New people. New neighbors. New everything. My sisters and I weren't affected that much. For we were too young to realize what happened. But at that moment I found my first acquaintance, and his name was  Anthony. Now he wasn’t a real friend he was more like a TRAP to me; his words were like fire and actions like bricks raining from the sky and crashing on my head. I always was the player two in our crimes. We would run from the man behind the huge pine trees. I thought we were having fun. But I was the one taking the punishment. I was the one that was unhappy. The one that was left in the snow crying. The one with the black eye, and the blood-covered nose. Then a ray of light shined on me with one word. -----Moving. At the time I didn’t know why he was so mean and still considered him a friend. So as a result, on that single day when I got into that car to move away, I cried as I said good bye. For I had no one else to go to. No one to laugh with, no one to spend time with. Again I was alone. Even though I was finally free from that horrible experience, I didn’t feel good about it.

While I was dealing with the problem at home I was also dealing with a new school. A school that talked about how you could be anything but made it to the point you were nothing. The teachers were hypocrites; they would say stand up to bullying but not help when they saw it. They would punish you for being weak or scared. For me, the detention room was my class. I would be punished for the things I didn’t do. If it was for yelling @#%# in the lunchroom. Or saying that I was going to kill a kid. I had no friends in that hole. I was alone. No teachers to help me. That's the thing about teachers. They don’t understand kids and what they're going through. They don't understand how much pain I was in. Always living in fear of the sport kids. I had no talents. No special abilities. I had nothing. They made me felt like nothing. It hurt and no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't go away. I was crushed to the point I again felt that I wasn’t needed in this world. There was a guidance counselor that was supposed to help. But instead of stopping the real problem she made it seem like I was the problem. Why didn’t you do this?  Well, you did do this. My parents were the same. When I did stand up for myself I still got in trouble. But then the golden word appeared again.  -----Moving. The word that set me free again.

Now I am here, talking about the past - how it hurt me, and how I wish it never happened. The past is the past. After that third time moving I had lost all hope for a happy life.

Then I got to my new school. It was my first day of third grade. I was alone... I hadn't made any friends, nor did I want to. I had no skills. No similar interests of other boys. While some played football, I played. I was in the still in the sky. Then I met people. I slowly started to come out of my bubble. I knew it would take a long to to keep popping my bubble. Even now I still have parts of it floating around me. Yes I did find people that blew a new one around me. But I pushed through it. I learned to look at the bigger picture.

Don’t take pity on me. Learn from me. Learn to stop looking in the past, and start looking into the future. Yes the past has shaped me into the person I am today. Even though i’m still finding myself I know that. Sometime, somewhere I will find who I am. So if you're having trouble with your past. Stop. Take a moment, and think about the future. For staying in the past will get you nowhere. Take it from me. It’s difficult I know, but you will find yourself.